Any SF fan who loves spectacle, who also loves or at least can tolerate music, is utterly missing out if they don’t follow that glorious tribute to musical excess known as the Eurovision Song Contest.
Eurovision is an international competition that promotes unity by setting nations against each other. Drawing mainly from the member countries of the European Broadcasting Union, the dozens of contestant nations are primarily European or at least Europe-adjacent (although for some reason Australia takes part). It was founded in 1956, which makes it roughly as old as the Hugo Awards. As you know, Bob and Bobette, creating awards and events is a lot easier than maintaining them, but the contest has since been broadcast every year without fail. Go Eurovision!
After the performances have been aired, each nation casts a positional ballot not entirely unlike the Hugo’s final ballot1. This ballot is prepared from a combination of televoting2 and juried assessment (for more details, see here).
To avoid a contest in which citizens vote only for their own national champion (singer or group), Eurovision forbids residents of countries from voting for the champions of the country in which they are resident (which of course means that a British retiree living in Spain is free to vote for the British entry). Countries can only vote for other nations. It would be nice to say that this part of the process is above mere geopolitical concerns but…alas, there are years where one can plainly see which nations have sorely vexed their neighbours.
There is a further enchanting twist, which is that the winning nation of each year hosts the next year’s Eurovision. Expectations for Eurovision production values are quite high. Audiences will not settle for cardboard, duct tape, and a bit of paint. Winning comes with a hefty price tag. The upcoming 2019 Eurovision in Israel, for example, has a budget of 30 million Euros. Enough wins could cripple a small economy (and unsurprisingly, at least one television show got a plot out of that premise.)
Still, unlike, say, when Brazil hosts the World Cup, it’s easy to see where all that money goes.
Although early Eurovision songs were, well, a bit stodgy, the contest has as a whole managed to set aside trivial considerations of modesty, pragmatism, good taste, and in some cases, the laws of physics. There is no general consensus as to whether Eurovision is very serious business or an excuse for musical absurdism. The results reward viewing, because one never knows if the next piece will be a heartfelt musical work…
Or vampire dubstep…
Rap yodeling…
An ode to baking…
A Western ballad…
Gentle self-mockery…
…or something more surreal from nations that apparently enjoy a bountiful supply of drugs.
Really good drugs.
This might be a good time to call attention to the fact that all of these acts are presented live on stage with fairly constrained time limits. One must admire the hard work and expertise of the technicians who make all of this sparkling excess happen flawlessly3.
Although Eurovision itself may not be exactly SF, some of the pieces are definitely science fiction-adjacent. The visuals are often glorious, and the show as a whole is well worth viewing. For those of you who have Twitter accounts and access to alcohol, drunk tweeting the show is never a bad decision. Pity about geofencing, but oh well.
If that’s not enough for you, Eurovision does have at least one direct SF connection. It inspired Catherynne M. Valente’s charming Space Opera, in which Terrestrial musicians are given the chance to compete in a galactic scale equivalent with considerably higher stakes than Eurovision. Watch Eurovision and then read the book it inspired!
Eurovision 2019 will air May 14, 16, and 18. I strongly recommend it.
[1]“Isn’t this an ideal spot for a gratuitous mention that I’ve been nominated for a Hugo?”, you might ask. It is, but since my Tor.com pieces are not part of the body of work for which I was nominated, I will valiantly refrain from such egregious self-promotion.
[2]The Warsaw Pact’s answer to Eurovision, the Intervision Song Contest, overcame the general lack of telephones in the backward Eastern Bloc by encouraging viewers to turn on their lights during songs they liked. The state could easily measure power usage.
[3]Says the man who discovered the hard way that one should not lightly rest one’s finger on the Make Sound Go button and who had the hardest time remembering that hauling up on the main drape rope thingie makes the curtain go up, not down. Also, that “thingie” (vague gesture) is not sanctioned theatre lingo.
Eurovision is absolutely hilarious and the best. When I lived in Scotland, I got sucked up in to the spectacle and drama of it all – and was delighted by how ridiculously camp and dramatic and plain FUN it was. :) The songs are great, the stories behind them are great, the live voting call-ins are great…yeah, I’m a fan. I’m sad that I now live in a country where it is not really known or talked about. No more Eurovision parties. So sad.
You could found a tradition of Eurovision parties!
I was actually thinking of doing a Eurovision party for the final! Especially since the 18th is my birthday – what better way to celebrate than by watching such glorious spectacle??
“Pity about geofencing”
Ahem. VPNs, my friend.
I was going to additionally comment about some ongoing issues relating to the host country, but it appears the very first commenter beat me to it.Or perhaps to its opposite. Either way.
Hey Sonofthunder! We share a birthday!
I’ll have to give this a watch this year. The bits and pieces I’ve seen in the past have been impressive.
Inexplicably for a contest between nations known for A: vast empires, and B: two world wars within a generation, a lot of the winners have been nations with pretty dubious public policy. France, for example, won three times during the Algerian War of Independence, which was carried out in a manner not always in accord with civilized norms. Yugoslavia hosted Eurovision while on the verge of one of Europe’s deadliest conflicts since WWII. The UK had no trouble winning Eurovision whilst also doing their bit to keep the Troubles going in Northern Ireland. In fact, the UK stopped winning Eurovisions just about the time they signed the Good Friday Agreement.
So…now this is a suprise to find this article here!
@@@@@ 7: Maybe they just had very good singers? It is a music contest, after all. I don’t see why politics have to interfere with everything.
You missed the best way to describe Eurovision (at least these last 10-15 years): it’s the LGTB Olympics, with open LGTB people not only participating but also winning.
There are plenty of places online to discuss the current politics surrounding this year’s contest/host, but that wasn’t the focus of this article, so let’s keep the discussion well within the scope of the piece: music, spectacle, science fiction-adjacent weirdness, the occasional vampire, etc.
@11
So, probably not the place to post bits of the Argument Clinic sketch.
” There is no general consensus as to whether Eurovision is very serious business or an excuse for musical absurdism. “
Musical absurdism is serious business! Also, Finnish Metal is impressively, well, I dunno, but it’s impressive.
I was going to post the Eurovision drinking game rules but there doesn’t seem to be a single, agreed on set of rules (maybe we could use run-off voting to pick one set) and also they all seemed likely to produce with widespread alcohol poisoning.
We don’t need rules to achieve widespread alcohol poisoning.
I am 80 percent certain Cristina Scarlat had a supervillain origin on stage in 2014.
Can confirm Catherynne M. Valente’s Space Opera is great. That Finnish band would look right at home at the intergalactic song contest.
15: For the most part, I have an overdeveloped desire not to play an active role in other people’s self-harm. This is just one of many methods I use to justify sustained focused consideration, what my employers at uwtc call “overthinking [1]”, which I combine with an ability to act much faster than I can think.
1: Although I have 128 facet diagnosis to avoid overthinking stuff, so I am sure whatever it is that I am doing, it is not that.
@15 – That’s the spirit!
@17 – I’m going to take this year’s round of the Terran event as an excuse to finally bump Space Opera to the top of my TBR pile.
Please let this be a good year. I mean, let it be full of crazy acts that defy logic, common sense, market trends and all that and deliver pure unadultered goofy craziness. Last couple of them have been meh, with a ton of pop-y “stars” that seem to come from the same factory.
We usually have our Eurovision watch online on a forum I frequent and is great fun to be seeing the stuff and reading comments from witty but drunk people (there are no drinking games rules – drinking is necessary to survive it) about whatever was that was in screen last, but that requires something great, unique, bizarre and uncommon, like beloved Rumanian Vampire.
So please let have more of that this year!
I think it’s obvious why countries that are doing internationally disfavored things tend to do well in Eurovision at the same time. Winner has to host at their own expense? Bingoooooo!
Anyway, I think it adds an extra fillip to the whole proceedings to imagine that certain countries are entering because if they didn’t they would look like squares, but that the acts from those countries have been quietly asked by the Powers That Be to please, please, please try not to win. Westerners Attempt Potlatch Culture, Hilarity Ensues.
I’ve loved Eurovision ever since living with a half dozen of European hipsters (in a l’auberge espagnole situation) who I would have pegged as absolutely not caring about Eurovision and instead the Swedish girl stopped talking to the French guy for the rest of the day because their country didn’t get douze points.
Also, props to the French announcers for refusing to speak in English like EVERYONE ELSE.
I was going to add “although they don’t seem to” but given the UK is in the top five of nations to whom Spanish votes have gone (after the musical powerhouses of Germany, Italy, and Portugal), British emigres in Spain may well be voting for the UK.
By the way, if anyone is looking to invest a lot of effort examining minutia very closely, consider a deep dive into Eurovision voting patterns.
21: See the old tale of monarchs keep nobles in line by dropping by with their entourage for an extended, expensive visit.
I present to you an interval act from the 2017 finals: Onuka and Naomi!
https://youtu.be/Oy5hcamHOBA
Naon, dammit.
@14 re: Drinking Game
Going by what I remember of Douglas Muir’s Eurovision FB drunk posts, a few rules include:
Drink when:
1. Someone comes onstage in a traditional national costume
2. Flame jets.
3. Singing in other than their own national language
ect.
Eurovision has been an absolute delight over my past decade in Europe, and frankly Love Love Peace Peace is still one of the top songs of all time despite being the half time act. I definitely prefer Graham Norton to Terry Wogan as well, he’s still enjoying the spectacle instead of regretting having to be there. Also you forgot to link to My Lovely Horse, the deliciously awful Father Ted Eurovision song, which came out just after Ireland was literally desperate not to win for a fourth time in a row. Their 1995 song was truly dire, and then ironically they won again the following year.
My only word of warning – never visit a country shortly after they win or the winning song will be indelibly seared into your brain as it gets played beyond death to zombie status.
The drinking games come in two parts, and it’s the voting half that kills you. Especially when you have to predict who will vote for who, which is *amazingly* geopolitical. Either Russia is IN favour, or they are very OUT of favour. The UK is *always* out of favour, and I’d be stunned if it wasn’t bottom three this year as well. Quality of act has so very little bearing on who does well.
As mentioned in #11: There are plenty of places online to discuss the current politics surrounding this year’s contest/host, but that wasn’t the focus of this article, so let’s keep the discussion well within the scope of the piece: music, spectacle, science fiction-adjacent weirdness, the occasional vampire, etc.
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There should be lots of fun acts to watch in 2019, including Iceland (BDSM anti-capitalist death metal), Australia (coloratura singing in a ten foot high dress and acrobats on bendy poles), and Portugal (male dancer en pointe with a death drop).
I feel it was very unfair to present the vampire dubstep and leave out the fact it’s also sung in falsetto. He turned that camp up to 11 and you just have to love it even more for that!
Oh, and after watching all the official semifinallist videos last night, the most SFF adjacent this year is definitely Norway, who are channelling The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe alongside furries and a scandibeat.
Most of the rest are fairly forgettable, though there were two Lady Gaga wannabes, and Iceland’s has gone all out S&M inspired goth punk.
Is it bad that I thought The Common Linnets’s song was nice? Plus the Romanian vampire dubstep dude was weirdly hot while shrieking that tune.
I need to have a lie down.
I too liked the Common Linnets’ piece.
@@@@@ 32: Yes, those three entries are the only ones worth watching this year, in my opinion. Sadly, the rest I found rather dull.
At least I can proudly say that my host country Iceland is among the “Weird3” and, as every year, the nation will be glued to the TV and hope for their first win. Oh, and one of my colleagues is the uncle of one of the Icelandic singers.:-)
As an Australian and probably speaking on behalf of many other Australians. Why exactly are we part of this event?
Does anybody out there have an answer?
@39: I don’t know if this is the RIGHT answer, but it is a possible answer. Australia is part of the EBU, but not part of the European longitudinal and latitudinal “box” that includes countries like Israel, Morocco, and Jordan, which are all Eurovision-eligible countries. Australia was invited for the sixtieth anniversary of the Eurovision Song Contest as a one-off, in 2015.
Australia sent such a great act, they were invited back for another year. They sent an even better act in 2016, coming within a hair’s breadth of winning; Australia won the jury vote and almost won the popular vote, but lost to Ukraine.
The above is factual, this part conjectural. I think at that point, Australia had been so consistent with strong acts, and the broadcaster and fanbase so supportive, it must have seemed silly not to keep Australia on as a permanent member, even though Australia is well outside of the broadcast “box” of countries. The streak appears to be continuing well in 2019, and I wish Kate and the Australian team all the best.
@39, 40
Australia is by far the largest market for Eurovision outside of Europe, including some of the EBU Europe adjacent competitors, who are part of the European Broadcasting Area, which back in the day was a broad satellite footprint that covered Europe and overspilled into North Africa and as far east as the Caucasus, and despite advances in satellite tech, the broadcasters like it that way. It gets broadcast live in Australia on SBS, and has been a staple since the 1980s, no doubt because so many Australians came from different parts of Europe.
As Tekalynn said, after having their own commentary teams onsite for a few years, they were invited to take part in 2015 as part of the 60th anniversary, (personally I reckon it was to finally prove that Austria and Australia are really two different countries), and because they took it so seriously they’ve been invited to stay until at least 2023.
And now the semi-official Douglas Muir Eurovision Drinking Rules!
Here’s a refresher on the sort-of rules.
take a drink for any of the following:
— dry ice clouds
— flame jets
— glitter jets
— dress with more than two meters of train
— three or more backup singers dressed all alike
— blowing kisses to audience
— pointing at audience and saying “You!”
— singer falls to knees
— masks
— oiled pecs (male)
— obvious boob job (female)
— hair extensions (either) or extreme hair generally
— wind machine that blows singers hair back sexily
— song is an hommage or tribute to a star who died in the last year
— song is in some way socially conscious or making a statement
— entire song is in native language, no English
— “ethnic” costume
make it a double if:
— unicycle, trapeze, hamster wheel, or other circus devices
— props that cost six figures or more (like that Stradivarius the Russians used a few years ago)
— original or novel computer animation
— excessively weird or disturbing computer animation
— something that’s just wtf, like that one time the Ukrainian act was a guy dressed as an Orthodox priest except he was a vampire and he rose from his coffin and then the coffin turned into a piano and he started playing the piano and then the piano burst into flames. you’ll know it when you see it.
turning into the American Idol![.](//s04.flagcounter.com/mini/Jkzv/bg_FFFFFF/txt_CCCCCC/border_DBDBDB/flags_0/" alt="Free counters!" border="0"></a>)
@42: You will be hammered before the third song starts.
Greek Utena live action cosplay!
With regards to defying physics, I point to Australia’s entry for this year.
Not only the stage performance, but I remain astounded that a single set of vocal cords can produce that range.